Carol came to Facilitate Connection feeling defeated. Every conversation with her daughter about substance use ended in shouting matches. Her attempts to help were met with resistance, and Carol feared she was making things worse.
“I just wanted to help,” Carol shared. “But the more I tried, the further my daughter pushed me away.”
When substance use disorder enters a home, it derails family communication patterns. Fear drives anxious reactions. Thoughtful responses give way to defensive exchanges that only add to the chaos.
Families often focus on fixing problems quickly, pointing out consequences, and pushing for change. This approach typically results in resistance and frustration on both sides.
Carol began her family recovery journey by attending Facilitate Connection’s BALM® 7C’s presentation. Through this introduction to the Be A Loving Mirror approach, she saw her situation differently.
“Kelly shared her own story during the presentation,” Carol recalls. “I could easily relate. I didn’t feel alone anymore. I realized our household had become reactive, and that was not uncommon.”
The chaos of mental health and substance use disorder is contagious—but here’s the good news—so is calm.
The BALM® 7C’s teaches that effective communication can be learned, and reactive habits can be unlearned. When family members understand their role, gain education, and receive support, they shift from being reactionary to responding with love and respect.
Families often come to Facilitate Connection in crisis, needing immediate help. Kelly Doetsch, BALM® Family Recovery Life Coach, offers this powerful communication technique:
Changing your body position from standing (which can feel confrontational) to sitting initiates a shift away from reacting. Once seated, take a breath and check in with yourself. Are you experiencing signs of flooding—racing heart, jumbled thoughts? Taking responsibility for managing your own state ensures you communicate from a calmer place.
Stop talking. Become an active listener rather than a lecturer. Your goal is to keep your loved one talking—ideally, they should do 80% of the conversation. “Good listening helps a person keep going, to continue considering and exploring what may be uncomfortable material.” (Miller, W. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change. New York: The Guilford Press)
Remember your connection runs deeper than the current challenge. A genuine smile is a non-verbal cue that lowers anxiety and creates safety. Invite calm through your expression.
Carol took responsibility for changing her communication style and witnessed immediate impact.
“The look on my daughter’s face said it all,” Carol shared. “Her jaw dropped in disbelief. She pressed by asking me sarcastically if I had anything to say.”
Carol’s daughter expected the familiar disapproving lecture. Instead, Carol took a calming breath and replied evenly, “I haven’t been the best listener. I want to do less of the talking.”
“When I said that,” Carol continued, “my daughter dissolved into tears and sat down beside me.”
This moment was a testimony that their connection was deeper than the circumstance. Carol’s courage to practice a new communication tool disrupted their pattern and reminded them of their bond.
Families at Facilitate Connection identify their role through the BALM® 12 Principles class. Family Recovery Life Coaching with Kelly supports the changes families make, celebrating successes and addressing challenges.
For Carol, this support made her communication shift sustainable, helping her face challenges while maintaining a new way of relating.
*Names and specific details have been changed to protect confidentiality.*
**24/7 Crisis Support Available: Call or Text 988**