Jim’s grip began to tighten when his daughter’s mental health plummeted and she was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. “The only tool I had at the time to manage the chaos was to try harder,” he remembers.
Parenting with vigilance and obsessive monitoring are common responses to the fear of losing someone you love. This fear moves families into survival mode and robs them of peace. The heightened sense of alert keeps focus on managing symptoms while battling guilt that you may be contributing to the problem.
Jim discovered that trying harder made circumstances worse. “My obsessive focus was part of the problem and made it feel like a pressure cooker.”
Jim found support when he attended Facilitate Connection’s free BALM® 7C’s presentation. He gained perspective through the first three C’s: you didn’t cause, you can’t control, and you can’t cure the disease.
Understanding that his daughter had a disease helped Jim practice loving detachment. Taking a step back from emotional responses allowed him to observe circumstances honestly.
During the presentation, Kelly Doetsch of Facilitate Connection encouraged families to examine their own actions. The practice of detachment supports self-evaluation by dropping judgments so families can see their behaviors factually.
“I found education, support and accountability that challenged me to observe what I was contributing,” shares Jim.
A family’s understanding of their contributions begins with raising awareness. Change is a process and a first step toward change is becoming aware. Taking an honest approach is essential.
Shifting focus from the diagnosed loved one onto yourself can be challenging. Emotional enmeshment often leaves families out of touch with their reality. Family Recovery Life Coaching supports families as they examine their part.
Kelly Doetsch of Facilitate Connection provides support for using new tools like detachment. “The first 4 Principles of the 12 Principles class educate and support a shift in attitude and perspective. This important shift takes time and it is important to practice detachment and drop judgment of yourself.”
Raise your awareness with this list: attitude, tone of voice, words, behavior and perspective. Drop judgment and observe yourself as honestly as possible.
For Jim, this exercise marked the beginning of getting his life back. Recognizing that his words, tone and behaviors contributed to the pressure-cooker atmosphere, Jim began taking responsibility for his reactions and started his own change process.
“I was frantic, doing too much, hyper-focused on the chaos and the problem and ignoring my own basic self-care like eating and sleeping,” Jim remembers.
Practicing detachment and raising awareness helped Jim find his own path to recovery. Jim made changes to his sleeping habits and began to eat breakfast before leaving for work. He began walking his dog again which brought Jim joy and slowed his frenzied thoughts.
Jim’s self-assessment and focus on his own change grew his compassion for the challenge of changing. His compassion grew for his daughter’s own change process, and respect replaced his need to see immediate progress.
By detaching from his obsessive focus aiming to control the mental health symptoms, the priority became the relationship with his daughter and their loving connection. The release of pressure and expectation gave Jim’s daughter space to take her own steps. She no longer felt she had to make it look a certain way for her dad and felt safe to be more honest with how she was really doing.
With the education and support of Facilitate Connection and the BALM® method, families can transform their perspective. Detachment helps families take an honest look at their circumstances and raise their awareness to understand how they are contributing.
The family becomes the loved one’s best chance at finding and sustaining recovery as they identify their crucial role and their change process transforms the family dynamic. Letting go of obsessive focus and modeling a change process empowers struggling loved ones to begin their own change journey.
Get started for free at Facilitate Connection and sign up for the BALM® 7C’s presentation. The presentation is offered multiple times weekly so that you can find a time that works. These hour-long sessions provide immediate, practical insights for families wanting to understand their crucial role and have an impact.
You don’t have to wait for your loved one to change. You can be the change you want to see. Visit FacilitateConnection.com to register for a free presentation, or contact Kelly directly at Kelly@FacilitateConnection.com or (410) 714-3511.
Names and specific details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
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